Sometimes I feel a lot of love in my heart. It feels like an overwhelming wave of emotions and sometimes, I don’t know where to project it to. My heart beats slow and my breathing feels even slower. My eyes tear up and a smile plants itself on my face. Is this love? Is this what love feels like? And if this is what love feels like — can it be felt and portrayed without anyone to give it to or for no apparent reason at all? I feel a lot of things and a lot of times I don’t even know why I feel them. At times I believe I am able to feel such emotions and ride such highs because I’ve been through so many lows. Time and time again after life allows me to feel everything I am often seeking more. I want the good, I want the bad, I want the impossible. I believe I can feel such highs because I’ve been through such lows. I believe I can laugh loud because I’ve cried my eyes out louder. I believe I can love hard because I’ve lost harder. To me, feeling is a pleasure. I explore my emotions and seek and analyze them in order to find out what they’re trying to say. I dissect them, tear them apart and feel every little thing that comes with them. I imagine the experience of feelings being like waves. Every emotion, if it’s good or bad is simply a wave. I ride the good, I ride the bad equally and though some feel better than others — they both pass.
I often see people running away from the way they feel. It’s easy to feel the good emotions, but it’s sometimes unbearable to feel the bad. The pain, the suffering, the lows — they demand to be felt. People will drink themselves into oblivion, do drugs on drugs on drugs to avoid feeling a certain way, will focus and project their feelings onto other people to try and blame anyone but themselves for feeling this way. The thing about feelings is that they demand to be felt. They are the sensors to our bodies. If something hurts, it’s because something didn’t happen in a way that was according to your moral standard and your heart is trying to communicate that with you. If someone hurts you, you feel pain. Not because it’s a good feeling but because again — your body, mind and soul are communicating with you that this event, this person or this circumstances are not pleasant and there’s something to learn from them. It’s much easier to try and bury uncomfortable feelings than to deal with them or the consequences they bring. It’s not easy confronting someone who have hurt you or who you might’ve hurt, it’s not easy to ask someone for forgiveness, to put your heart on the line, to be vulnerable and be the bigger person. It’s never been easier and it never will be — but in order to grow — it’s necessary. Asking for forgiveness, stepping out of your comfort zone, reaching out, being rejected, accepting denial, forgiving, risking it all. These are all parts of growing. Dodging your emotions and trying to ignore them in order to not feel out of your element will not turn you into a great human. In order to grow, to be happy, to experience love and bliss we must know pain. We must be know pain and be comfortable with it.
Easy, comfortable times don’t make people. The sad, the lonely, the unbearable times make people. Standing up after you’ve been beaten down makes people, turning the other cheek makes people, being vulnerable and understanding that everyone is working from their highest level of consciousness makes people.
Be soft, be vulnerable, be forgiving, be brave.
But take no shit.
Wishing you all the strength and courage it takes to feel,